Where am I? Am I HERE… now?
It’s Autumn here in the Northern hemisphere and change is all around us. The trees here are a vibrant example of the process of transformation, some with green leaves still holding on, while others are shifting into golds, oranges and fiery reds, and others are almost bare having released their foliage, entering the stage of fallowness, until next year’s new growth.
Within all the chaos and uncertainty and shifts my mantra is, “Where am I? Am I HERE, now?”
It’s so easy to get lost in the news, social media, Netflix, or drama-filled life of others or self. So my constant question to myself is, “Are you home? Can you be even more present? Slow down and F E E L what is here, right now.”
My body has been trying to catch up to all of the heart-opening, mind expansion of the past several months. Beginnings, endings, revisitings. So. Much. Change.
Life, as I knew it in early summer, has shifted incredibly. Like a major operating system upgrade, I can see which old patterns no longer work on this system.
An example: my old MacBook which has been a constant companion since 2017, has lost its ability to stay charged without constantly being plugged in. It has seen me through my greatest expansion of self-expression, the move into almost 100% virtual workshops and coaching and retreats, and the beginning of a new way of expressing myself… What a beautiful reminder to stay connected to Source, hmmm?
So, when it started looking all wonky, login screen jumpy, cursor dancing around making it difficult to log in, I panicked. After gently coaxing it into letting me log on, I immediately installed the system update. Voila! She was her happy Mac self again and I felt MY whole system relax.
In the past month I had an article published in Mind, Body, Soul Magazine. It was a long time since I “put myself out there” and a big deal for me. New photos were needed. A new website was built, new bio written, new Centering Practice created. And each step was difficult. Or, I made it difficult. What was going on?
If I teach women and leaders how to speak their truth and show up with courageous authenticity, where was I getting stuck? It felt like I was going to DIE if I truly wrote my truth. If I allowed my essence to be seen. I thought I was over the fear of what others thought of me! Guess not.
One lesson I learned was to let myself be supported. To be held and loved through these new shifts and steps. We are NOT meant to go through life’s changes alone! The days of the Lone Wolf (or uber independent woman entrepreneur) are OVER.
So, all was completed thanks to all of the loving support of Liz Schneider who kept the project on track and assured all deadlines were made. AND, heard my comments and intuitively created the flow and beauty that represents who I am and my work in the world. Even though it is evolving, constantly, I know that I will continue to share my gifts with Truth, Love and Light. They are my muses, my Guides, my teachers and help me to stay grounded.
As I enter the next phase of my Life, contemplating semi-retirement and all that means, I have made the space of an uncluttered calendar to play in the Unknown. The rest of this year is relatively unscheduled, opening and inviting what is to come. My mind is still asking:
- What needs to be cleared away to make even more space for creativity?
- How do you want to create? What will you create?
- What will you do to make money?
- Will your love relationship grow with you?
- Where will you move?
And on and on she rambles.
And my Soul says, “Be still. Listen. All is well.”
So I try to listen to my Soul and feel the guidance in my heart, and allow my body to catch up and relax into this new way of Being…Becoming…Living…Loving…
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
This is a 3 minute practice that I am using during the month of October to support my emotional, somatic, mental and energetic systems.
What do YOU think of the new site? I’d love to hear how it feels to you, if you’d like to comment below!
I look forward to staying connected, feel free to drop me a line, text or set up a video chat. You have been a wonderful companion on this journey of expansion and growth, thank you!